Even though he promised he wouldn’t, my husband still sees the other woman. Has she won?

Website design By BotEap.comSometimes I hear women who almost feel like they are competing with the woman their husband has been cheating on. Sometimes the husband has promised to end things, but then it becomes obvious that he cannot, does not want to, or has not. Other times, he’s honest about the fact that he doesn’t want to let her go. The wife may feel as if the other woman has “gotten over” her, so to speak, and this can make a very difficult situation worse.

Website design By BotEap.comCommon comments are things like: “I know it’s stupid and I know it’s unhealthy, but I can’t help but compare myself to the other woman. I can’t help but keep an eye on her. When I first met I realized that my husband was cheating on her, I emailed her and told her things that weren’t entirely nice. But I felt like she deserved them. Well, she responded by telling me that I could have my husband if I wanted to. She told me that he was not in love with me and that She was only staying with me out of a sense of obligation. But then she told me to “look and see” how I couldn’t stay away from her. This infuriated me. I called her all sorts of nasty things and told her she was a liar. Well, Just imagine how disappointed and hurt I am to find text messages from my husband’s phone stating that he is still in contact with her. He is still chasing her. I am heartbroken. Of course, I am disappointed in my marriage. But I feel like she has won. I feel like she has beaten me. If she wants it, she g ets to take my husband. I know this is very immature and I don’t want to think like that. But I can’t seem to stop. How do I stop this cycle and stop thinking that I won? “

Website design By BotEap.comThis is a very common concern. Some people simply cannot understand why the wife is looking at the other woman when she has so many other things to worry about. But if you’ve been there, you know why. You see it, that is what is in the way of your happiness. You see it as a reminder of your insecurities and flaws. It’s almost like an open wound that you can’t stop itching.

Website design By BotEap.comShe has not won. You win when you walk away from her: Can you say I understand this? I make. Because I’ve been there. But because I’ve been there, I know something else. Following her, watching her, and thinking about her is a path to nowhere. It will only delay your healing. It will only make you feel worse about yourself and your situation. When healing and recovery is already so difficult, why give him this kind of power over you, especially when he has done absolutely nothing to deserve it?

Website design By BotEap.comLet’s analyze this for a second. What have you really gained? Some other woman’s husband simply because he is a novelty? What happens when the novelty wears off and you are no longer so interested? You probably won’t feel so festive then. And frankly, you have to wonder about a woman who seems to enjoy someone else’s pain. This shows an almost desperate need for attention and control.

Website design By BotEap.comI understand you may feel like she has won for now, but if you look at it very literally, her award is certainly nothing to write home about. She has left destruction and lies in her wake. I doubt it’s easy for her to look in the mirror or sleep at night, despite the person she tries so hard to portray. At the end of the day, he just has a phantom relationship built on lies and fantasy. I don’t call that winning. I call that being on a collision course with an unhealthy path away from integrity and grace. That’s not winning, at least in my book.

Website design By BotEap.comDo you know how you are going to feel that you won again? Isn’t it necessarily taking her husband away from her? She doesn’t feel like she has forced her husband to stop contacting her. It is knowing that you are moving away from her and from this whole situation. It is knowing that you are focusing on yourself and your own healing and not focusing one more moment on her and her unhealthy threats. Frankly, it will probably annoy her a lot more when you ignore her than when you interact with her.

Website design By BotEap.comMost wives know all of this to be true, but find it difficult to leave it alone. They feel like they need to be in the know. I understand this, but your main concern should be yourself. If the situation has gotten so unhealthy, sometimes the best thing to do is to back off for a while. This gives the husband time to realize his big mistake. And once you do, you can assess whether you want to give him a chance to make it up to you. But for now, that doesn’t seem like it’s even on the horizon. You can never go wrong with focusing on yourself, especially when the alternative is to focus on her. If you back off and refuse to participate, she will only be left with her own drama and dysfunction. And I suspect it’s not that exciting without an audience.