Life Insurance Agent Jokes – Insurance Jokes and Retirement Humor

Website design By BotEap.comWipe that frown off your face. With the sale of insurance, you have to constantly use motivation for yourself and to talk to clients. Give yourself a shot of some humorous medicine to start your day off on the right track. Sit back and enjoy some insurance jokes. After a hard day, a giggle or even a smile can help make your sometimes difficult career a little happy.

Website design By BotEap.com1. Three wishes A life insurance financial advisor walking on the beach finds an oddly shaped unique bottle. She rubs it trying to read the label. An honest to goodness Genie instantly appears. The Genie puzzles him by announcing, “I’ll grant you three wishes, but because I’m afraid of Satan, every wish I grant you, your biggest competitor will get double.” Before speaking, and being a financial advisor, he pondered how this might work in his favor.

Website design By BotEap.comThe first wish was for $20,000,000 in cash. “Granted” said the genie and your opponent has $40,000,000 in cash. The second wish was a Ferrari of the highest quality. Instantly a brand new Ferrari drives alongside this huge pile of cash. The Genie replies: “2 new Ferrari will arrive at the business of their competitors in minutes.” Now the financial insurance takes a long pause, not wanting his rival to end up ahead of him. He finally tells the Genie that he is ready for his last wish.

Website design By BotEap.com“What is your last which?” the Genie asks her, then reminds her that the request will be double for his rival. The insurance financial adviser answers. “I want to donate one of my kidneys for transplantation.”

Website design By BotEap.com2. STAY IN SHAPE Life insurance agents always tell you to stay fit “You’ve got to keep fit. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.” by Ellen DeGeneres

Website design By BotEap.com3. LEARNING INSURANCE TRICKS A new life insurance salesman in need of a boost turns to his successful vacuum salesman friend. His friend says, “Selling is easy, you don’t even need leads, you just have to get their attention first.” He tells the life insurance salesman to come with him.

Website design By BotEap.comBoth sellers appear in the old house of an old woman. Before the woman is allowed to speak, the vacuum salesman rushes into the living room and dumps a huge bag of nasty dirt onto the clean carpet. He confidently says, “If this new vacuum doesn’t pick up everything, then I’ll eat all the dirt.” The woman, loses her temper, saying, “Sir, if I had enough money to buy that thing, I would have paid the electric bill before they cut it off. Now, which would you prefer, a spoon or a knife and fork?”

Website design By BotEap.com4. SURVIVAL AWARD An insurance agent was completing an application and came to the health history part. He asked his client how his grandfather died. This was the initial response from his client. “I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather… Not scream and scream like the passengers in his car.”

Website design By BotEap.com5. PREMIUM PAYMENTS A life insurance in your mailbox receives a peculiar note along with a blank premium payment slip. In the note, the lady mentions that unfortunately it is necessary to cancel her husband’s life insurance policy. She writes, “we have always paid it on time. But since my husband’s sudden death, due to financial difficulties, he will no longer be able to pay it.”

Website design By BotEap.com6. RETIRED INSURANCE AGENT A retired insurance agent, now in his 70s, is on the operating table waiting for anesthesia before heart surgery. He insists that only his son, a surgeon, perform the operation. He motions to his son. His daughter asks: “Yes, dad, what is it?” The retired agent replies: “Don’t be nervous, do the best you can, if something fails, remember that your mother will live with you and your wife for the rest of her days.”

Website design By BotEap.com7. PERSISTENT AGENT The business owner turns to the life insurance agent and says, “You should be very honored to have the opportunity to speak with me.” He continues: “So far, my secretary has turned down seven insurance agents!” The agent replies, “I know, I’m them.”

Website design By BotEap.com8. THREE ELDERLY Three retired men were speaking, one a former insurance executive, another a minister, and the third a retired hairdresser. The topic of what their grandchildren might say about them 40 years from now came up. The insurance executive stated, “I would like to recall the success you had in selling insurance.” The minister then said: “I want them to say that he was a loyal family man.” The hairdresser then replied, “Me? I want everyone to say that he certainly looks good for his age.”

Website design By BotEap.com9. LATE PROPOSAL Good old Charlie, now 86 years old, was content living in a nursing home in Miami, Florida. After meeting 78-year-old Martha Jean, he became happier every day. He finally fell in love with her. He finally plucked up his courage, dropped to his knees, and told her that there were two things we needed to ask him.

Website design By BotEap.comMartha Jean smiles and replies, “Okay, ask me.” Charlie, almost sounding like he was in pain, said “Will you marry me?” Overjoyed, Martha Jean cried out, “Yes!” She then asked Charlie what her second question was. Charlie managed to yell, “Martha Jean, could you help me up?”

Website design By BotEap.com10. EARLY WITHDRAWAL After testing the habits of 1,000 insurance salesmen who retired while still in their fifties, these foundations were announced. They spent 10% of their time doing some type of work, another 10% eating, drinking, or snacking, 35% sleeping or napping, and 45% of their time searching for things they just had a minute ago.

Website design By BotEap.comeleven. When is the best time to start thinking about your retirement? Answer: Before your boss does.

Website design By BotEap.com12. What does a government retiree miss the most about not having more work? Answer: Not being able to call in sick six or seven times a month.

Website design By BotEap.com13. How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but give him two or three days to complete the job.

Website design By BotEap.com14 “The question is not at what age do I want to retire, but with what income.” george foreman

Website design By BotEap.comfifteen. “There are a tremendous number of managers who have retired on the job.” Peter F Drucker

Website design By BotEap.comYou can find more in a previous article on the best insurance jokes for laughs. There is additional material in another article on clean insurance agent jokes.