My terror in the blackness of hell

Website design By BotEap.comFour weeks after my cancer surgery, I presented to the radiation therapy office. I soon learned that this device had nothing to do with listening to the radio. Inside it felt like the darkness of hell.

Website design By BotEap.comThe technicians built a plastic mask to hold my head in a specific spot in the beam. The beam moved my body inside the radiation chamber.

Website design By BotEap.comThe mask was a 3/8-inch-thick sheet of plastic with half-inch-wide square holes. The rim was 3/8 inch wide between the holes.

Website design By BotEap.comThis meant that he could see the light when the beam was outside the radiation chamber. I couldn’t see anything inside the chamber.

Website design By BotEap.comThey put my favorite CD in a music player to calm my nerves. I also had a blanket to keep me warm inside the chamber.

Website design By BotEap.comThat help made me feel safe.

Website design By BotEap.comWhen the technicians moved the beam into the chamber, everything was black. I could see red and yellow lights flashing. The beam went in and out of the chamber. Sometimes it went sideways. This made me nauseous. The yellow plastic mask went over my head. They fastened him to the beam on which he was lying.

Website design By BotEap.comI had two situations with this procedure:

1. The mask put too much pressure on my face. He couldn’t breathe through his nose. The pressure of the mask against my face caused me great anxiety.
2. He had great difficulty breathing through his mouth. The mask pushed my neck against the beam. Then saliva pooled in my throat. Eventually I learned to swallow my saliva in order to breathe.

Website design By BotEap.comI was afraid of vomiting. This would obstruct all my airways. I would suffocate in no time.

Website design By BotEap.comTwo technicians observed the procedure outside the radiation room. An eighteen-inch-thick lead door opened to let the technicians into the radiation therapy chamber. The door was so big that it moved very slowly. Before they could enter the room, the gun that discharged the radioactive into my head went off. Let’s just say I was worried.

Website design By BotEap.comMy other fear concerned an itchy nose. I couldn’t scratch it.

Website design By BotEap.comI didn’t vomit but my nose itched. All I could do was scream inside my mind. Eventually the itching went away and then came back.

Website design By BotEap.comThe first day I panicked. I asked the technicians to let me kiss my wife before she died inside that contraption. The boss called my wife and I had to kiss her. They asked me if she wanted to stop the treatment. “No,” I replied, “I will.”

Website design By BotEap.comThey gave me a tranquilizer 15 minutes before starting the treatment. I don’t think it helped.

Website design By BotEap.comI soon learned that when the machine made a special sound, the treatment was over. This meant that the beam with me on top would roll out of that hell.

Website design By BotEap.comThe technicians removed my mask and helped me to my feet. I lost my sense of direction and staggered like a drunk in all directions.

Website design By BotEap.comThey held me upright until my wife arrived to help me walk to our car.