The only horoscope reading you’ll ever need
Website design By BotEap.comNo need to try to find your daily horoscope in your newspaper or on the Internet every day of your life. Use the Universal Horoscope below. You’ll be glad you did.
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Website design By BotEap.comHappy birthday dear Stargazer!
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Website design By BotEap.comYour days will be long and fruitful. Everyone loves when you take your pants off and wants to be around you. Use this to your advantage by making business deals and getting discounts on used cars. Today will be a happy day for you because you were born on this very day.
Website design By BotEap.comARIES The Ram, March 21-April 20: You like hanging out with the kids, walking in the woods, quickly understanding flora and fauna, making witty comments about mushrooms on trees, jumping for joy when you see a porcupine. you risk unnecessarily and get angry when your fellow traveler looks at you like you’re crazy. You like to jump too wide streams. Be careful with your powers and don’t step on the deer poop. Go to http://www.astrology-online.com/aries.htm.
Website design By BotEap.comTAURUS The Bull, April 21-May 21: You like to sit under the Yum Yum tree waiting for the world to bring you what you need. Unfortunately, the world doesn’t know you’re there. Get up, grab that stranger and show your persistent loving self. Hide that piece of cake under the sofa pillow until your guest leaves so you can eat it all by yourself. Don’t call your mom and tell her you love her even though it’s been 17 years since you last saw her. Keep managing her a little longer. Every day you turn your head the other way as you pass her house. Go to http://www.astrology-online.com/taurus.htm.
Website design By BotEap.comGEMINI Los Mellizos, from May 22 to June 21: Don’t miss the party tonight. Is there no party? Well, get on the phone and invite the whole town. Get a band and show your youthful and eloquent personality. Now don’t go into the corner and say you can’t do this in such a short amount of time. And damn, get rid of that new wig. It’s not helping your appearance. Something special is going to happen tonight. Don’t you want to know what it is? It will happen at the party (if you invite me). Go to http://www.astrology-online.com/gemini.htm.
Website design By BotEap.comCANCER The Crab, from June 22 to July 22: It’s over! You have to let go. Release your conscience tomorrow. That deal is there for you to take. But don’t let the bastards crush you. A night on the town with your partner is appropriate tomorrow night. You will have something to celebrate. Drop my coat. Do not cry! Go to http://www.astrology-online.com/cancer.htm.
Website design By BotEap.comLION El León, July 23 to August 22: It’s time to expand those grandiose plans. Don’t forget China. Stick your nose in your friends’ business. See if you can’t come up with something yourself. I know how you’ve been looking at you-know-who. Let yourself go. President Bush is not an idiot. Go to http://www.astrology-online.com/leo.htm.
Website design By BotEap.comVIRGO Our Lady, August 23 to September 23: Do not dust after your spouse has already dusted. I know your partner has a mole on his neck. Does not matter. Take a walk in the park today and don’t over analyze the squirrels. They do what they do. I’m sorry Reagan’s son is a Democrat. Go to http://www.astrology-online.com/virgo.htm.
Website design By BotEap.comPOUND The Scales, September 24-October 23: Easy on the Butter Brickle Ice Cream; You have to watch your figure or you won’t get to first base with “Dimple Cheeks”. Today would be a good day to take a tour of the county history museum. Volunteer if you get paid a good hourly wage. I tell you again; The tooth fairy doesn’t come when you’re over 12. Go to http://www.astrology-online.com/libra.htm.
Website design By BotEap.comSCORPION The Scorpion, October 24-November 22: Remember your childhood dream of success? Now it’s time to go full speed ahead. For God’s sake, don’t tell anyone until you’re sure your dream will come true. You don’t want those slime balls to steal your idea, do you? I know how you can get back at Harry; put ketchup on his hot dog. Go to http://www.astrology-online.com/scorpio.htm.
Website design By BotEap.comSAGITTARIUS The Archer, Nov 23-Dec 21: How’s your dissertation on Korea’s red-bellied green tree frogs going? No, I don’t think you can make it into a novel, but knowing you, you will. stop calling your sister The Elephant. You know how that hurts, don’t you? When you recover, don’t use your homemade pole vault again. Next time you might find that pole sticker on your back (just kidding). Go to http://www.astrology-online.com/sagittar.htm.
Website design By BotEap.comCAPRICORN The Goat, December 22 to January 20: Entropy is not everything. Get out of there. I heard that one, pretty funny. Have you found seven new ways to solve the Rubik’s cube? Are you working on a new one? I’ll drop by later. It’s time to go to http://www.astrology-online.com/capricrn.htm.
Website design By BotEap.comAQUARIUM El Aguador, January 21 to February 19: What are you working on; a soft-boiled egg sheller? Interesting! No more yellow fingers. My mom is good. She is your mother too. Why don’t you call her? Yes, I hit the Salvation Army. Go to http://www.astrology-online.com/aquarius.htm.
Website design By BotEap.comPisces The Fishes, from February 20 to March 20: you can now come out from behind the sofa. I want you to go to Newark with me today; Now put on your tan outfit with your orange baseball cap and walking shoes. That’s the way! Did you give your toothbrush to a homeless man? Well, use your finger. Go to http://www.astrology-online.com/pisces.htm.
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