the pet conspiracy
Website design By BotEap.comThis point is indisputable: humanity is in love with domestic animals. The strongest evidence for this claim can be found in most of our own homes. From hamsters to Great Danes, we love the animals we call our pets. And as pet owners, we’re often guilty of taking that “love” to extreme degrees. We humanize our pets by giving them names like “Walter,” “Bill,” or “McCarthy.” We provide them with their own living space in the form of boxes, cages or special rooms. We give them their own plates, sometimes monogrammed with their names, so that we humans, I guess, don’t get confused and accidentally eat out of poor “Pooky’s” private bowl. They go on vacation and to doctor appointments where kind nurses give them the added dignity of our family names (“the doctor will see Midnight Rogers now.” Midnight Rogers? Really?). They even have their own furniture: custom beds, sofas and chairs to suit their particular sizes and sleeping habits. And if they don’t have their own beds, cloaks, and chairs, they confiscate the beds, cloaks, and chairs of humans, who voluntarily seem to abdicate before them.
Website design By BotEap.comWell, by now you’re probably sensing a growing shade of resentment in my prose. Yes it’s true. I am a reluctant pet owner who has reluctantly given up the family’s acquisitions of multiple pets over the years. He was against taking the first goldfish, only to be turned down on that and all subsequent reptile, rodent, feline, and dog purchases.
Website design By BotEap.comNow that’s not to say I don’t love animals. Rather, I grew up with the same variety of cats and dogs in our home as most people. I can appreciate the company of a friendly dog or cat as much as any other human being. But it’s the three “P’s” of having a pet that get me down: poop, pee, and vomit. Perpetual doodie duty seems like a pretty high price to pay for a tail wagging and vibrant game of “fetch.” But obviously, millions continue unfazed by that inconvenience.
Website design By BotEap.comanimal-magnetism
Website design By BotEap.comOf course, the world’s infatuation with pets has never been limited to mere companionship. The dogs have been especially noted for their extraordinary civic contributions to society, serving the needs of the blind and the disabled, while also contributing to search and rescue and law enforcement needs. And how many times did Lassie rescue young Timmy from some terrible danger between 1956 and 1973? Every week, for my childhood memories. Also, let’s not forget his contribution to science. Rats, cats, and dogs have taken over most of the roles as test subjects for an untold number of experiments. We’ve made them the guinea pigs in finding answers to almost every significant question (much to the guinea pigs’ relief, I might add).
Website design By BotEap.comThe field of social sciences in particular also owes a great debt to these animals. In the early 1900s, the study of how the brain works (i.e., psychology) began to merge with the study of how the body works (i.e., physiology) to create the field of behaviorism. Scientists were trying to understand the connection between mind and body, cause and effect, what makes us behave the way we do, both for better and for worse. Some of the most notable research findings to date come from cutting-edge animal studies conducted by Pavlov, whose dogs helped us discover “behavioral conditioning,” and by Thorndike, whose cats helped establish the “law of effect.” BF Skinner’s rat models helped prove the theory that “positive reinforcement” is superior to “punishment” when it comes to modifying behavior. In the end, our friends in the animal kingdom helped show that living things learn better, respond better, and are more motivated by positive treatment versus coercive or punitive treatment. And for that, employees, students, athletes, and really all of us, have a lot to be thankful for.
Website design By BotEap.compet conspiracy
Website design By BotEap.comAs someone who is trying to live up to the claim that the good guys finish first, I also have the animal world to thank. And then the least he could do was accede to the repeated requests for a new pet. Of course, that stance quickly created a house inhabited by a lizard, a dog, two cats, and two rats. That’s right, rats.
Website design By BotEap.comHow it got this far, I’m not quite sure. The answer lies somewhere between parental permissiveness and pure mathematics; that is, to be outnumbered four to one. Or more precisely, three children and a wife for one.
Website design By BotEap.comBut throughout the ups and downs of pet ownership I’ve always been fascinated by one surprising question: How do our rats, cats, and dogs somehow live in perfectly harmonious coexistence in our home? I mean, these guys are supposed to be mortal enemies, right? All the scientific knowledge I have about animals tells me that these species are natural adversaries of one another. Come on, you read A fly passed. You know who was chasing who. And Tom and Jerry made each other’s lives a living hell, while Sylvester the cat was mercilessly chased by the bulldog from the local junkyard. Facts are facts, man.
Website design By BotEap.comBut not in our house. A miracle of nature is happening. Our pets are fully engaged in their own form of relaxation, happy to live in peace with their arch-enemies. Henry Kissinger would be proud. And there’s really only one possible explanation for this aberration from the true course of nature: Our pets know how good they’ve got it, and they’ve conspired not to spoil it by biting their housemates’ heads off.
Website design By BotEap.comAt this point, I can tell you that Thorndike, Skinner, and Pavlov would have been of no use to these particular cats, rats, and dogs as test subjects, having been spoiled beyond hope of recovery. Our highly domesticated rats would have botched Skinner’s experiments by refusing the allure of simple ordinary cheese, while awaiting the offering of their customary precision-cut vegetable cornucopia whose presentation would impress Martha Stewart. Our cats would never have wandered into Thorndike’s experimental box maze, instead opting for the luxury of his multi-tiered, carpeted attic cage. And as for the family dog, Pudge, our precious Papillion, let’s just say that my wife has anointed her as the queen of our home for all eternity, at the expense of everyone and everything else. The modern world is very lucky that the manipulative and spoiled Pudge was not part of Dr. Pavlov’s experiments at the turn of the 20th century. If that had been the case, I’m afraid the famous quote would not be “Pavlov’s Dogs”, but “Pudge’s Humans”. Fortunately, most scientists have tended to use normal laboratory animals for their experiments to control consistency and avoid the scientific anomaly of a rat, cat, or dog with a bad attitude.
Website design By BotEap.comEither way, I really can’t fight it. They helped prove that the good guys finish first. And after all, I’m only human.