When a spouse says you deserve better and wants to get divorced

Website design By BotEap.comThe other day, I received an email from a very upset wife who told me that her husband had sat her down, indicated that he had been thinking a lot about their marriage, and had decided that she “deserved better, so he wanted a divorce. ” Needless to say, she is very confused by this. She’s not sure if the whole “she deserves better” statement is just an excuse she’s using to want to date. She’s not sure if he’s guilty or hinting at something she wants to reveal, and she’s not sure how to respond. Should she emphasize that she is perfectly happy and that he is wrong to serve more? Or should she try to dig deeper to determine what’s behind this and risk making the situation worse? I will answer these questions in the next article.

Website design By BotEap.comHow you should respond to the “you deserve better” excuse if you want to save your marriage: Many wives focus so much on proving their husbands wrong about this that they really miss the point. The real problem here is that her husband is asking or saying that he wants a divorce. He may be using this as an excuse or he may actually believe it to be true. But, the fact is, there’s something so wrong right now that he wants to throw in the towel.

Website design By BotEap.comSo, don’t make the mistake of thinking so much about the reason behind it. Focus instead on fixing it. It’s okay to ask her husband if she can share with you why she feels this way. It is quite possible that she is feeling remorse about something and is looking for a way to vent. And he figures that if she brings up the divorce, everything she has to unload will seem bland by comparison.

Website design By BotEap.comBut, if you do not disclose it, then this may just be an excuse. Therefore, you should not dwell on it repeatedly or accumulate more negative emotions or implications. What you can do, however, is focus on what’s behind almost every divorce that occurs: a lack of intimacy, a loss of connection, and diminished affection and empathy. In truth, no matter what you say about this “deserve better” business, chances are there are other things at play.

Website design By BotEap.comYour goal right now: Don’t confuse your goal with convincing your husband that he is wrong. Your real goal should be to build the relationship through positive interactions and exchanges. It’s better to show him that things can go back to being upbeat, upbeat, and happy instead of repeatedly trying to talk him down or tell him so. Once he sees that the two of you can connect again in the old, positive, satisfying ways, then it no longer makes sense for him to assume that you want or deserve anything else.

Website design By BotEap.comWhat it always comes back to is to rekindle and reintroduce the two people who first fell in love. Yes, I know that times have changed since you were dating. I know that you have more responsibilities and issues that occupy your time. But, in truth, everyone wants the same thing from their marriage. They want to feel understood, worthy, competent, desirable, and admired. These things can’t happen if you don’t give your marriage and spouse the time they deserve.

Website design By BotEap.comAnd look at it this way. You really already know what connects the two of you. You’ve fallen deeply in love before. Take a moment to remember how you did this. It was probably through intimate and fun moments shared between two happy and open-hearted people who were focused on each other. You can come back to this place and when you do, neither of you is going to worry about whether the other is getting everything he deserves and is entitled to.

Website design By BotEap.comDon’t focus so much on the semantics in question. Almost always, the underlying situations that precede a divorce reduce intimacy and connection, no matter what excuses are offered or what is said. Focus on these things. You may need to move slowly and break it down day by day. This is good. But, if you can address and fix these things, the rest will usually fall into place.