Quoted from the book AL-ANON. Website design By BotEap.comThe bottom line is that you set a boundary to define your area, to protect your space: physical, emotional, mental, sexual, spiritual, financial, etc. You set the limit because it is what you need to do for yourself. The great aspect of this whole boundary thing is that you’ll be helping the alcoholic see himself for a change and really see that he has a drinking problem and needs to deal with it accordingly.
Do you love an alcoholic? Setting limits for yourself (Part 2)
Website design By BotEap.comLoving an alcoholic is not about taking care of him, but about taking care of you. You have the responsibility to protect yourself from any negative and destructive behavior of the alcoholic. Setting limits for yourself is how to become healthy, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. You may have to change some personal things and schedules around the house a bit to accommodate your limits, but this is how you protect yourself from the insidious disease of alcoholism. All the boundaries I suggest are always separated from the alcoholic in a loving way.
Website design By BotEap.comDon’t be around the alcoholic when he or she is drinking. Sound hard to do? Well, it’s not if you have your own bedroom, or another room, with a TV, desk, phone, cell phone, laptop, etc. Be prepared to leave any room in which the alcoholic is drinking. When the alcoholic asks why you are leaving the room, let him know the truth; you are unable to control their behavior and do not want to be around them while they are drinking; It’s as simple as that. You are taking care of yourself!
Website design By BotEap.comDon’t argue, plead, or yell at the alcoholic, no matter how hard it gets. This is what the alcoholic wants you to do. If you argue, complain and fight, you take the focus away from them and their drinking and focus on you. See how it works? This is how the alcoholic takes you to the disease with them. Every time you try to control the alcoholic with words or arguments, you are actually losing the battle; they won! You maintain control by remaining silent. You are in control when the alcoholic wants you to argue with him, but you walk away. This is taking care of you!
Website design By BotEap.comDon’t give money, alcohol, or pay bills to the alcoholic. By doing these things, you will only allow them to continue drinking and also allow their irresponsibility towards the home. If they pay for part or all of a service that will be cut off if not paid, then by all means pay for it, but keep all receipts so they can pay you back. Let them know that you don’t take care of their financial responsibilities, but you certainly can’t live without heat and water.
Website design By BotEap.comDon’t have sex with an alcoholic who drinks. Don’t you have to have sex with a careless person who smells of alcohol, even if it’s your spouse? By giving in sexually to the drinking alcoholic, you are allowing him to abuse you in a way that will cause a lot of animosity and resentment later on. Let them know that when they are sober they can come to you for sex. And don’t have sex with a cheating alcoholic. This is obvious. Do you want to catch the latest rash of venereal diseases? Set your limits.
Website design By BotEap.comRemember that setting limits for yourself is not a threat or a way to control the alcoholic. On the contrary, your limits have nothing to do with them, and everything to do with you! The alcoholic may not like your new attitude and so you explain why you have set limits. Explain to them that you won’t be around an argumentative or abusive alcoholic, but when they’re sober, you’d love to talk to them. Tell them, “I love you, but I don’t love the disease.”
Website design By BotEap.comFor those of you with children, it is your responsibility to talk to your children about the parent with alcohol addiction. They also need to separate from the alcoholic drinker for their spiritual and mental well-being. They desperately need to know that it’s not their fault that their mom or dad drinks. Let them know that the alcoholic still loves them, even if they get mad at them.
Website design By BotEap.comSeek God for your life in everything you do. You will need God’s help for strength, hope and faith to carry out your limits. The moment he stops depending on God, he will be tempted to give in and allow the alcoholic to violate his spirit. Don’t let that happen!
Website design By BotEap.com“Progress begins when we stop trying to control the uncontrollable, and when we begin to correct what we have the right to change, (ourselves)”
Quoted from the book AL-ANON. Website design By BotEap.comThe bottom line is that you set a boundary to define your area, to protect your space: physical, emotional, mental, sexual, spiritual, financial, etc. You set the limit because it is what you need to do for yourself. The great aspect of this whole boundary thing is that you’ll be helping the alcoholic see himself for a change and really see that he has a drinking problem and needs to deal with it accordingly.
Quoted from the book AL-ANON. Website design By BotEap.comThe bottom line is that you set a boundary to define your area, to protect your space: physical, emotional, mental, sexual, spiritual, financial, etc. You set the limit because it is what you need to do for yourself. The great aspect of this whole boundary thing is that you’ll be helping the alcoholic see himself for a change and really see that he has a drinking problem and needs to deal with it accordingly.