that both participants Website design By BotEap.como have the same or complementary definitions of love and what are committed relationships
or are they able to love and let love in, and
o have a firm understanding of how to work on their own personal problems and the courage to do so Website design By BotEap.comThis may seem like a given to many, but you’d be surprised how often people get it wrong here. Some assume that others feel love as they do and that others are open to loving and being loved as they are. Those of you who have survived an “if it doesn’t kill you, it will make you stronger” relationship will attest that this is not a fact. Website design By BotEap.comSo how do you know if someone’s definition of love matches yours? How do you know if their definition of a committed relationship is complementary to yours? How to know if they are truly open to love and be loved? By patiently living these questions and taking the time to get to know your potential partner. Remember, generally speaking, you don’t begin to know someone until you’ve been consciously in a relationship for six months, to get to know someone well, about a year. Website design By BotEap.comWhen it comes to solving personal problems, if you don’t have the courage, knowledge, and support system to solve personal problems, you are likely to stumble or get stuck on a problem. These issues will often affect the relationship in some way and over time. Website design By BotEap.comThe 15-question checklist to answer YES for a healthy and fulfilling relationship: Website design By BotEap.com1. Are we interested, willing, attainable, and fully available?
2. Do we have similar and compatible levels of consciousness, intelligence, and spirituality, and comparable appetites for personal growth?
3. Are we taking the time to get to know each other and ourselves?
4. Are we from the same tribe?
5. Did we meet in a satisfying and enriching way?
6. Do we share with each other wholeheartedly and authentically?
7. Are we included in the lives of others?
8. Our sex is not only hot, but also intimate?
9. Do we have honest and effortless communication?
10. Do we respect each other?
11. Do we inspire each other?
12. Are we passionate about each other?
13. Are our individual visions and commitments aligned with our relationship?
14. Are our long-term visions and life goals congruent?
15. Are we both healthy, happy and satisfied being together in a relationship? Website design By BotEap.comNow, are these questions more familiar to you? Website design By BotEap.comor do I rush to make him the chosen one?
o Am I projecting that he/she is available and has the qualities I want?
o Is there a gap between what I am projecting and what is actually being presented?
o Am I justifying him/her or us to my friends?
o Do I have feelings for him/her?
o Am I making up for what is missing in the relationship?
o Am I frustrated by your circumstances?
o Am I sacrificing my health, happiness and well-being to be with him/her? Or is the relationship leaving me feeling drained? Website design By BotEap.comIf while in a relationship you feel dissatisfied, it is likely that at least one of the 15 questions will not be answered with a Yes. For those questions that have been answered with a No, it is time to get down to business. It is a well-known fact that if each partner takes 100% responsibility for the success of the relationship, the relationship will have a greater chance of success. Website design By BotEap.comFor further clarification, below are more details on some of the questions. Website design By BotEap.com1. If this question is answered with an equivocal YES, then relationships have a better chance of success. If you answer No, I recommend reconsidering the relationship. Website design By BotEap.com2. If the partners do not have similar levels of awareness, intelligence, and spirituality, then they will probably have to work harder to have a deep relationship. I’m not saying it’s impossible, just more challenging… unless depth isn’t something you’re looking for. Website design By BotEap.com4. “Tribe”: The group and the qualities the group embodies, where you feel most comfortable being yourself, and where you feel most inspired and supported. Website design By BotEap.com5. “Meet” – as in interact and respond. Website design By BotEap.com8. Please see Important Notes below. Website design By BotEap.com9. There are many books written and seminars on effective communication and how men communicate differently than women. If you haven’t explored this field, I recommend you do so, especially if this question was answered with a No. Website design By BotEap.comImportant notes: Website design By BotEap.comSome of you may ask, “What about chemistry?” Or, some of you have found yourself saying, “I met someone I felt real chemistry with.” “I feel like they are my soulmate.” “Our sexing is so powerful that it must mean we’re meant to be together.” “It feels so intense with this person, it must be love.” Listen! Yes, you can feel these things, and yes, the feelings are real, but have you ever heard the saying, “Don’t believe everything you think.” Well, I would also say, don’t believe everything you feel… at least not until you meet your partner. Website design By BotEap.comRemember these two things: Website design By BotEap.com1. Chemistry is memory.
2. Be clear about the difference between intensity and intimacy. Website design By BotEap.comPheromones play off of attraction, but if you feel chemistry, it usually means one of two things: 1) who they are reminds you of (or is the antithesis of) the patriarch/matriarch in your life, and/or 2) you have known before and is “remembering” that you have unfinished business to continue or complete. This is true if you believe in the past life theory. If it does, or if it doesn’t match past lives, know that strong feelings early on may or may not indicate the possibility of a successful relationship. Acknowledge and appreciate family feelings, and continue to use the checklist to uncover the greatest possibility for your relationship. Website design By BotEap.comMany confuse intensity and intimacy. They assume that if it feels intense, it must be good and right. Not necessarily! Feeling intense can be the result of many things. You might have chemistry (see #1); it may be that you want something so much that you think it has what it takes to create a meaningful relationship; it may be that there is a powerful lesson (pleasant or challenging) to learn and your intuitive self is trying to guide you to a situation that will help you learn it. It could be all of the above. Website design By BotEap.comIntimacy is the gateway to a fulfilling relationship.. I define intimacy as: making yourself fully visible and available to others; living the invitation for your partner to relate to you in the same way; to be opened. Many avoid this because it can be scary living there, especially early in a relationship. Make no mistake, though, if you and your partner can find each other in this way, the sensory intensity that many relentlessly seek pale in comparison to the fullness and depth derived from your true intimacy. And believe me, intensely sensory intimacy cultivators… but that’s another story for another blog post. Website design By BotEap.comThere are many books and seminars on how to create and maintain intimacy, and over time I will add one to the mix. If you don’t know how intimacy is achieved, I strongly recommend that you find a teacher or method that will open the door for you. Website design By BotEap.comMay you have relationships that exceed your wildest dreams and deepest desires!